I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
