just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize