Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
