Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize