The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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