Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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