highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
