As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
