Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
