I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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