I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Randomize
