I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize