Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
