ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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