How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
