Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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