she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
