Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
