I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
