what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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