she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
