my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I am naked and annoyed.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
