i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
MIDGETS
????
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
