I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
