I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
