Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
