sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
