as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
