I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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