Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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