Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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