bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
