Already got asked if we're dating
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just had sex on a roof
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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