do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
