adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize