i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
