His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Randomize
