3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
