The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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