guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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