Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
