When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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