Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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