If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
