so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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