i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize