Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
