"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
