epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
