I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I believe in your delicious
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
