She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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