Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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