You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
