college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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