I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
