I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm having to shit out rocks
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