Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
