you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
