i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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