what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
