i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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