girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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