you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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