Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
