Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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